life's too short to let a little setback pull you down (:
Sunday, December 20, 2009
:: 9:19 AM by standing on my own two feet
hello! (: i'm back from camp.. although it might have been only for 25hours, it was fun.. alright.. so... 18th dec 2009.. i'm just gonna summarise (: reached church at about 8.50am and the work started, there were quite a number of children, sarah and her 3 gorgors, rosh and rei, jeremy and his little bro, arthur, another boy whose name i cant remember now.. grace. thats about it.. 10 children.. (: roda, hannah, caleb, nicholas and michelle were also there to help.. baby sitting was fun but tiring, but also enjoyable.. keeping the older kids quiet was a challange but it ended well.. later that day youth camp started at 8plus.. we had ice breaker games and then a short briefing on the think tank session we're gonna have the next day. by about 11pm we all headed down to the cheese prata shop for our supper! (: returned to church and bathed then played PIT! (: by the time i got to bed it was already 2.30am..
19th dec 2009.. woke up at 6plus got ready for 5bx.. 5bx was jogging to NUS and then uphill to kent ridge.. (i really should start working out.. :P) breakfast was followed after that.. mind games and then bible study and think tank.. it all lasted until about 3.45pm. later darren briefed us on the games, but roda and i only played until 4.45pm cause we went for choir practice.. well, we missed out on the wet games at west coast! but! i still got wet in the end! haha (: changed and we had ice cream and pizza! (: then i headed home.. now for some pictures! i shall get more from the others.. (:
:: 5:30 AM by standing on my own two feet
it's just a few hours till youth camp begins! (: yay! (: camp? i remember being a young girl and already wanting to go for camps. i remember that daddy brought me to my first camp when i was just 5 years old.. church was having their annual juniors teens camp at st john's island and daddy brought me along.. juniors teens camp age group is 10 to 14 years old.. and i was with people nearly 10 years older than me, i bunked with them, woke up to do PT with them and had breakfast with them.. and when they had games i would sit there and watch.. and sometimes for fun i was allowed to join in. during the games i would stay for awhile and then i had to go back to campsite and help out in the kitchen.. hey, who says 5 year olds cannot help in the kitchen? haha (: i would never forget my first camp.. and as i grew up i was finally old enough to be a camper! at the age of 8 or 9 i was attending my first OFFICIAL camp! (: i'm always in the spirit for camps.. 9 to 14 years old i attended every camp.. and nearly all of them were held at st johns.. sometimes it was held at church.. 14 years old was also the year i attended my first youth camp.. (: hey!!! so far my life is a montage of camps! anyways.. by 15 years old i was camp worker.. i was at first song leading and then in the games commitee.. other than church camps, school camps were fun too.. (: sec 1 oriantation camp, sec 2 NE camp, sec 3 advanture camp, sec 4 and sec 5 study camp and annual scouts and guides camp. of all these camps.. my most memorable ones are the ones held at st johns.. being a camper all i had to do was to listen to the gorgor and jiejie running the camp and planning games for us.. and my fav game of all time is the last night of camp.. war game!! (: when the sun goes down....... when the campfire is over....... when no one is tired despite all the games........ and the moon is up....... we get ready for war....... there was always 4 groups.. and 2 groups would join and combine.. war game had it's objectives, my fav was when we had to get the opponents banner.. we had to hide our banner, so some of us had to guard while others hunt for the opponents banner and the rest just wait to ambush! with water bombs in our hands.. we had P.O.W (prisonner of war), we had warriors.. haha (: and now that i have grown up, last year's junior's camp i was a worker and my sister was a camper.. and i was in the games commitee.. now i know how tough it is.. staying up late trying to get the games right, making sure that the campers would enjoy it.. going down to the park to check on our game site, sitting by the tap in the morning getting the water bombs ready.. it's a lot of work, but at the end of it the sense of satisfaction when the campers are having the time of their lives.. (: school camps... hmm.... my most unforgettable was sec 2 LTC camp.. it was held at pulau ubin, i love the high elements and the jetty jump! (: if my mum saw me doing that i think she would go bonkers.. anyways... i love camps.. and i'm hoping it wouldnt end so soon... cause i bet even when i'm 75 years old i'll still be attending camps!!!! haha (: we shall see.. alright, i shall end here and update more on sunday.. may be monday.. (:
:: 6:48 PM by standing on my own two feet this year... 2009... well.. for me it's a love-hate year.. 2009 has taught me many things about friendship, trust, understanding and tolerance.. i hate this year cause of the countless conflicts, the countless fights and the countless misunderstandings.. you cannot imagine how stupid things can be..the emotional roller coaster been though was terrible.. the headache and heartache.. the stress friends, teachers, family and studies has given me is undefinable, incomprehensible and unbearable.. the fights that happened between me and my friends were more or less inevitable.. but the fights were of the utmost stupid reason.. (: come to think of it it's really stupid.. i remember the FIRST fight with a friend of 5 years.. no names larh okay? (: this friend... hahahahahha... narh.. i'm not mocking this person, but that fight was stupid.. if you're thinking that i didn't forgive and forget, hell yea, you're wrong! (: i keep a diary.. and honestly, i wouldnt let anyone read my diaries.. not this year's one though.. cause it's just awful! you know the things a person writes when they're at the top of their anger and all kinds of thoughts flow in.. the things you wanna do then, the irrationality.. but thank God i wrote them down... cause reading it now, i'm glad i didnt do it.. i'm glad i didn't let my anger get the better of me.. this year came and is going fast.. i was blur about many things i wasnt myself.. i've said and done stupid things.. but hey! life is a montage of the stupid things a person does.. life is a montage of the failures they've been through.. life is a montage of the secret-good things a person does for another.. life is just another montage.. there is this saying "live life like there's no tomorrow and learn like there's always tomorrow" for some reason, i love life quotations.. like what my blog title says "life's too short to let a little set back pull you down" it's true.. why live life in anger, being angry at every damn thing that you cant get right.. i used to tell this friend of mine that mistakes are made for you to learn what not to do again.. this friend of mine was afraid that i would end our friendship.. but this person no longer regards me as a friend.. but nonetheless, life goes on. (: people make mistakes all the time, but dont keep looking back on it.. cause you'll end up telling yourself "i should have done this!" "urgh! i shouldnt have done that!" but whats the point? whats done, done, can't be undone.. in life there are 3 things that cannot be taken back, 1) the stone after the throw, 2) the words after it has been said, 3) the hurt that has been inflicted.. rationalism is very important.. being trustworthy is important also.. have you ever thought that "urgh, she doesnt need my help, someone else will come to her aid.." but havent you thought that no matter how much you dislike that person or how that person is a stranger to you, that person still needs your help.. cause you'll be in that position too.. ( no one is indispensable ) whoa.. i started out with the year 2009 and now i'm here.. hehes (: anyways.. it's linked.. (: i suppose this is the typical life of a teenager who is trying to find herself.. someone who wants to find herself at where she last saw and then lost.. ~sayonnara~ p/s: is this long enough?!
:: 8:48 PM by standing on my own two feet
I was at People's Park food court yesterday.. and something struck me.. the fact that there are people out there eating left over food and it does not just happen in drama series or cartoons. it's real. and it became very real to me during lunch yesterday.. it's disheartening for me to see, cause i have an 88 year old nanny living with me. she has clothes to wear, food to eat and a rood over her head.. but this elderly i saw yesterday... only God knows how many clothes she has, how many times she eats a day and where she stays.. this elderly was waiting for people to finish their meal so that she has at least scraps to eat.. i didn't notice that she was hungry, i thought she only wanted to collect tin cans.. i only realised it when this family offered their bowl of yong tau foo, this bowl wasnt touched at all, although there wasnt any noddles, but the glow on the elderly's face was priceless.. it really strike me hard, so hard that i'm now aware that there really is people like that out there.. my eyes are opened wider, and i'm so much more luckier.. i have a family, i have an education and i have a job. i get to go to japan and such.. but it's still disheartening.. really... i know that there are poor people out there, but it never occur to me that it would be that dire... such desperate positions are actually filled, and i doubt they enjoy that... honestly? NKF and all that... i've kinda lost my trust and hope in them after that fraud.. spare the needy please.. singapore... sigh.. it's like 2 extremes.. 2 extreme ends of financial status, 2 extreme ends of compassion.. i hate to see this, but i can't think of anything to help at this point of time.. i'm in a position that i dont wanna be in, but i'm not in that dire state.. i still can carry on, but what about them? i'm young, but they're not. i can tolerate, how long more can they tolerate? well.. i'll pray for them then, just to give my heart some peace..
>> approximately 1 month till the release of GCE O level results
today today today.. went to church and got a surprise! (: Rina was there! She hasn't come to church in a long long long long long time! but! i'm happy she's here today.. but then Roda went to visit her grandfather's grave.. anyways.. my cake business is alright.. (: i'm gonna go for door to door next.. i doubt i'll have flyers cause' i feel that door to door would be a better approach.. (:
:: 8:32 PM by standing on my own two feet oh yes! had another sale today.. (: THANK YOU HE AN! haha (: no so bad though.. daddy and i thought of renting a push cart but its at $2600++++/mth! sigh...
well.. holidays has been boring so far... i can't believe that it has only been only nearly 1 month since the end of O levels... like..... so slow?! anyways.. no job yet.. well.. apart from selling cakes there's nothing much.. i miss JAPAN!!! >.< i miss my new found friends.. ohwell. i suppose i should make good use of my remaining holidays.. what to do what to do.. hmm... anyways.. VOGUE didn't call me back, so i suppose all i can do is wait for that recruitment agency to call and give me a few days of work..
:: 2:55 PM by standing on my own two feet
went to Lot 1 today, went into nearly all the retail outlets.. BATA, Ella, VOGUE, Popular, NLB, Kiddy Palace, BHG~ well.. VOGUE said that they'll call me back after reading my particulars.. gosh, i'm keeping my fingers crossed.. after that I went to Jalan Teck Whye to deliver the cakes that i'm selling. (: and once more, advertising for myself.. (: http://www.yummiliciouscakes.blogspot.com/
proper pictures of the cakes will be uploaded as soon as the pictures are sent to me. i personally, not being bias or anything, the cakes are really good, my favs are chocolate royaltine, durian, avocado and chocolate truffle. (:
:: 5:30 PM by standing on my own two feet
gosh.. i suppose i shall wait until monday.. and if there're no calls from any of the jobs that i have applied then i shall walk into any shop.. sigh.. i'm bored.. like seriously.. nothing much to blog though.. so far......... ......... i've been practicing my guitar.. (: i've just started picking it up again, so i'm kinda rusty at the chords.. from A to B to A to C to A to D to A to E to A to F to A to G... (: gosh.. can you imagine? i'm turning 18 soon! (: everybody is growing up.. (: growing up is so nice.. isn't it? alright, i suppose i should just end here before i bore anyone out.. (:
~sayonnara~ p/s: muster that ounce of courage? how much more time do i have?
:: 11:34 AM by standing on my own two feet i feel like this flower which has not yet bloom... i won't sit and wait though, but i'm unsure of what to do.. if only i had a set of instructions, but then life wouldn't have life anymore..
:: 12:01 PM by standing on my own two feet
woke up at 8.30am this morning.. had a quick bath and left home for Jurong East CPF building.. went there with my cousin for a job interview.. a part time job, they'll call you and you'll work for several days at wherever they assign you at. There's waitress, retail, stock-take and packaging. (: sigh.. but God-knows-when they'll call me.. so I called World of Sports and they told me that they'll call me back regarding a part time job for me. (:
ohyes! I'm going for a job interview tomorrow at Jurong East at 10am! darn.. it's a packaging job.. (: i'm kinda excited.. yay-yay-yay-yay! (: hmm.. today today today.. went out with Evelyn, Munyee, Yaowei and Sean. (: okay larh... nothing much.. just jalan jalan then we had lunch.. (:
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see the fish there? see the fish in a net? I don't wanna be like that fish again.. I don't wanna to trap myself again.. though I wanna be, but may be it's not destiny.. I don't wanna force to have my way again, thinking that it's the best for me.. No one knows what's best for me, no one knows when thats best to do whats best for me.. No one, not you, not me, not anyone else.. Even the fortune teller can't tell what's ahead for me, for you.. No $100 can buy that larh.. but then again, there are sayings that say " happiness is made out of your own two hands" , and other sayings that say, " No one knows what tomorrow holds, destiny awaits you." which saying is true, or which saying is best to describe my situation now? gosh, close your eyes, listen to that melody, see yourself in the future, with white clouds and blue skies.. with eyes closed I see myself on a green grass patch, eyes transfixed on the sky, with someone beside me to share this joy i hold within me.. ohyes, up till now, i still wish to go away for a day, sit at this place alone with the wind blowing against my face, i'll watch the sun from dawn to dask, and as it retires to behind the horizons i shall take my leave, board the bus and head home. (:
~sayonnara~
p/s: i don't need you to make me a happy girl.. whether or not it happens, it doesn't matter, not now, not ever.. (:
:: 10:29 AM by standing on my own two feet
hello everyone! (: check this out : http://www.yummiliciouscakes.blogspot.com --------------------------------------------------------------------- going out later.. (: so far... the hols has been alright? i guess.. i'm still job hunting.. hmm... gosh, i really need a job! i really really need one.. like seriously... no $$, plus i gotta start saving for my poly fees... well.. i gotta contribute a little dont i? hees (: gosh.. i can't wait for so many things.. i cant wait to get a job, i cant wait for christmas, i can't wait for new years day! oh yes! 2009 is FINALLY coming to an end! and i'm glad! glad that it's gonna be over.. suckish-goody year... but then again, tomorrow will definitely be better than today.. (: and 2010 will definitely be better than 2009.. ~sayonnara~ remember to check that website out! (:
:: 6:42 PM by standing on my own two feet
i shall once again let the pictures do the talking.. TWPS gathering today.. more like a girls day out! haha (: definitely fun and definitely a more well planned gathering next.. (:
:: 9:12 AM by standing on my own two feet
good morning! (: hmm... nothing much happened these few days... other than going for a picnic with my friends later today, nothing special i guess.. i'm still on that job hunt.. darn... i really wanna find one where i dont have to work 6 days a week.. >.< sigh.. actually, reason being.. youth camp.. cant wait cant wait! (: but it's 3 weeks to youth camp... haiya.. is there a 5 day work week job? darn... sigh... sigh... sigh... and i'm even too lazy to change my blogskin... gotta find a job, wanna go out so bad man... how am i gonna survive 3 weeks?!
:: 5:01 PM by standing on my own two feet you know sometimes when a situation seems so bad and you hope it gets back to how it used to be? well, why can't you just look at the brighter side of things? taking to you yesterday made me feel that either i have matured or you're being an idiot.. you kept saying how good things were previously before the change, but why can't you adapt? humans are the best adaptors.. and not for one moment you said "hey, why can't i just change my way of life?" so far all you wanted was things to compromise to the way you want it to be and you have never compromised.. sure you contribute to certain people for quite a large fraction of your life, but so what? there are people who appreciate it, but you simply don't stop to listen. all you do is rant. you think that you're the only one with problems unsolved and the problems of others are peanuts. you think that you're the only one in a predicament so bad and others are just being lame larh. you think that you're wise but there's a great deal for you to learn about life. i can't tell you what life is about, but i can tell you what life isn't about. life isn't about cursing and swearing, life isn't about standing at the sidelines watching people suffer in their own misery, life isn't about making a situation the best for yourself. life isnt about being better than others, but being the best that you can. i bet right now you wanna say "if i suffer and compromise to others and who does it for me?" you have people who love you, you have a family. reach out to them may be you can be able to salvage what you've lost. but what's the point of me tell you face to face, i'm typing this here cause i know that you'll read. [ at least i think you would ]
"I will not leave you comfortless; I will come to you." John 14:18, i love this verse a lot. it makes me realise that when i don't feel like going to people for help i still have God to rely on.
:: 1:28 PM by standing on my own two feet
prom night was better than i expected.. (: well.. at least better than how i thought it would be.. well.. let the pictures do the talking! (: didnt take much pics.. blaghs.. (: a proper post next time.. (: ENJOY!
:: 6:34 PM by standing on my own two feet
today is the last day i put myself through deep thinking.. today i've realised that i was right long ago, right about simplicity.. and simplicity is definitely the way to go.. why rack brains about something so minor, though minor things can make a significant change.. but not thinking about it makes it better, you need not fine the best way, you need not sit and contemplate about what life is all about.. just live life the way it is.. one day at a time, one step at a time.. have fun when you're supposed to and be serious when there is a need to.. i feel anxiety and fear about the days ahead.. release of O lvls results and other general aspects.. okok.. i had better stop all these thinking.. i'm happier this way.. (: well.. about today.. nothing much... prom night is tomorrow and i'm e-x-c-i-t-e-d! i've got my dress, shoes, watch, earrings and purse.. (:
:: 10:13 PM by standing on my own two feet
天啊。。 真的很闷！又闷又烦。。 gosh.. i think i better head back to getting down to my own research about the meaning of road names... i've been doing cross stitch for way too long! 2days in a row.. my head hurts.. it's as though i'm spinning round and round... how i wish i could just drop.. *poof* i've been feeling frustrated lately.. nothing much i guess... might go out with jasmine next week... find a job soon.. gosh.. i sound so pathetic... pfft... anyways.. i doubt i would be blogging for awhile.. doesnt seem like anyone is around reading or anything...
:: 5:59 PM by standing on my own two feet
bought cross stitch yesterday and today to kill time... darn.. it sucks being at home.. well.. the next outting would be orchard ion, kallang and we're still thinking... it's seriously down right boring... i haven't plan to work yet.. soon though. i wanna have some fun with my friends before i kill myself with work.. *exaggeration* narh.. i think i might just work as a roller blading instructor... or whatever that comes by.. no obligations no nothing.. i would love to try something other than sales.. sigh! a serious case of nostalgia today... i dont know what's wrong.. but it felt great going back in time.. everything was so much calmer back then... the clouds goes pass you so slowly.. you hear the wind sing.. you see the grass dance.. but now.. now it's okay larh... days pass pretty slowly.. me on the couch doing my cross stitch... me on the chair practicing my guitar.. me on the computer trying to have some kind of inspiration.. all kinds of stories, all kinds of poems/lyrics.. you know? right now.. i feel kind of weird.. a weird weird kind of weird.. like seriously... like something is missing, like i've forgotten something or even someone... like a part of my brain is missing or something.. i dont like this weird weird feeling.. suckish.. suckish freakish feeling.. sickish eekish weirdish feeling.. mind throbbing, heartbreaking, bones cracking, eyes bulging feeling... werid... like something is gonna happen... something untoward? dire situation? mind throbbing, heartbreaking, bones cracking, eyes bulging situation? i feel crazy-weird.. well.. imaginations running wild is one thing.. but this is different.. like 6th sense sits in kind of feeling.. i feel like screaming but i dont feel like making any noise, i feel like hitting the wall but i dont fell like moving at all.. so contradictory...
went to the tree top walk again.. but this time with Evelyn.. Munyee didn't go with us.. sigh.. the walk was fine.. we finished walking to Henderson Waves at around 12.20pm and then took a bus down to Vivo for lunch and jalan jalan... then i headed home by 2.30pm.. (: prom is in 5days! (: still stuck at home... haven't plan for any outtings yet... sigh... down right bored! and i've absolutely nothing to blog about other than blogging about how bored i am... ~signing out~
i woke up at 6.30am this morning... and i'm now blogging.. i kind of miss those days waking up extra early and i'll be at school by 6.30am.. my friends and i would sit at the courtyard and nobody would be there... life in sec 1 and 2 was innocent... it was the growing stage, how you would turn out to be mostly depended during then, cause' that was when it was most influential.. who your friends are, what kind of person they are, were important.. u still remember 'four girls' like... four girls always together be it in class, during recess or during cca... and then there was 老地方。。a place we sat and do nothing, a place we had fun, a place we had the stupidest fights.. up till now, the stupidest fight was during sec 1.. hahahahahhahhaha!! trust me, i CAN'T elaborate here, it's erm............ gross... there were many stupid fights... first time i encountered "trouble" was in sec 3.. there were countless confrontations.. countless accusations.. countless cold war.. countless patch ups... to me.. sec 3 was when i learnt to treasure friendship, the most important ones, i learnt to take a step back and compromise.. though in sec 3 my girls and i were separated, they took D&T and i took POA, we still get together after school, during recess, went to school together and such.. **it has been such a long time since i actually went out with them, like shopping and such.. like a real outing..** then came sec 4.. N levels... there were of course still fights, cold war and patch ups.. sec 4 was quite calm.. not much confrontations, lesser frictions.. it was okay... (: we helped each other to get through the stress period and such.. it was a busy year.. despite my busy schedule i found time towards the end of N levels to indulge myself in a relationship for 6.5months.. sec 5.. this year.. i love-hate this year! it had its perks and its downside... which sucked a great deal! r/s aside... as for studies.. i felt like i studied really hard and i felt like i slacked really hard too... suckish... urgh.. it's kind of annoying cause at times i feel so darn scared, scared to a point i can really pull my hair out.. and at other times it seems like nothing.. and the remaining times are just neutral... i love-hate sec 5 cause i fought only ONCE with junpeng... yes! it's a big deal cause he's my listening ear, apart from my closer girlfriends.. well.. this year was kind of suckish.. many things happened.. misunderstandings, quarrels, cold war, hits, cuts, cries... it's really suckish! like you really want this person to just simply stfu for a moment cause they're so darn noisy.. like seriously.. this year was the FIRST time Evelyn and i actually quarrelled... during the last 5 years we've never quarrelled... and no, i will not list them down cause they are down right stupid! like.. really really stupid.. but I'm glad it's behind me.. like.. this is by far the worst year of my life.. there may be more to come.. but that's so far.. things started to brighten up a little towards the end of the year... things seemed more in place weeks before O levels... head is finally above water... as for my relationship.. it ended early April... we haven't talked since then.. messaging stopped, calls stopped, friendship ended... this showed me how fragile a friendship can be, especially when 2 people don't know each other well... well.. lesson learnt.. (: and now... i suppose i want till the end of November to myself... and after prom it's gonna be endless outings! 5 years just pass and go so quickly.. 1825 days.. that isn't a lot... but there will be more to come..
imagine walking along this railway track, imagine you in the clothes of your ancestors, a stick in your hand with a bag at the end.. the thought of going away.... ..... going to a place where you can start anew, a whole new piece of paper to begin with.. you know, at times being alone is the best cure to a vexed heart and mind, when everything around you seems so wrong, being alone helps you think with a calm and cool mind, you're clearer and more aware.. although at other times you would rather talk to someone close..
:: 5:06 PM by standing on my own two feet
i was supposed to go to the dentist today.. but i woke up late.. darn... haha.. so daddy called the dental clinic to postpone my appointment to tomorrow.. (: yay. (: so... i went to buy breakfast for my nanny and then headed down to lot 1 to meet jasmine and irena.. well.. the whole purpose was to return the slipper i borrowed from jasmine and to borrow some books regarding the meaning of road names in singapore.... (: **gosh.. i forgot what i wanted to write.... >.<** erm.................er................ gosh! urgh.. forget it... hmm...... it's gonna be a long holiday..... oh! i remember now!!!! (: borrowed those books to do my own research or just for my own gain of information... simply curious of the meaning of road names in singapore... for example, the ever so famous red hill.... it's cause of the blood of a prince or something.. right? i might be wrong.. but anyways... i wanna search up the meaning and then take a picture of the road and it's name based on my own interpretation... 5and a half months of hols is no joke when you have absolutely nothing to do.. anyone knows anyone who wants to hire a part time photographer? i wanna give it a shot... hopefully my portfolio can at least impress them to consider hiring me... was at a chalet bbq with my friends yesterday at aloha loyang.... ms sim asked if we were gonna do job hunting or not. so i told her i might wanna try to be a part time photographer.. so she asked me to try going to bridal studios and they might hire me to be an assistant... let's hope it works... well.. pat time photographer cause' of the freedom to express... last year i was in retails.. though i enjoyed doing sales.. i wanna try out something new... now that i have my portfolio, i can only hope that someone would hire me... (: tee hees... (: ohwell.. gonna go back to hitting my books... (: i seriously miss studying... one reason why i wanna find out the meanings... so that i can at least sit down at my desk and write a thing or two... (:
cracked.. officially cracked yesterday.. broke down.. gosh.. well... held it back for a pretty long time... so yea... gosh! it's the last paper today! yay-ness! (: GCE O levels Science phy/chem MCQ. and i'm a free girl after 3pm today! woots! (: so many things planned out.. like seriously... tree top walk(s), orchard ion, ice skating, movie marathon, shopping, job hunting, photo taking, prom, graduation day! gosh... what am i to do? roller blading instructor or part time photographer.. honestly? i think my portfolio is in a total mess.. not impressive... or should i go back to world of sports? heh.. i dont know... nah... i doubt i'll go back to world of sports.. i'm looking for a job with flexible timings.. i need my social life you know.. haha! (: flexi.. hmm... my choices seem good... (: roller blading instructor..... photographer..... hmm... RBI, P, RBI, P......... gosh! both?! haha!! nonono... well.. alright, i gotta hit my books for the last time.. oh yes. can you imagine? the last time... the last time wearing school uniform to school for exams, last time in study mood.. blaghs.. gosh... ~sayonnara~
i had a case of nostalgia earlier just now... chinese went... erm... rather okay, i guess.. last paper tomorrow... apparently i dont feel excited about it.. happy, yes, but i'm feeling rather contradicting in contrast to the occasion.. i really wish things would slow down... mm... today... i felt something... i dont know what its called though... i couldnt look at "you" in the eye.. hardly though.. i wanna smile at you but you just make it seem so difficult.. i wanna drop hints but i couldnt find a proper way to do so.. may be cause i'm still afraid.. may be i'm just too coward to come out of this shell of mine... but i can smile when i see you from a distance.. i simply dont see why... "abigail how are you doing this again?!" if only someone can tell me what to do...
:: 8:08 PM by standing on my own two feet
O level chinese tomorrow... all the best to those re-taking! go kill it! it's 2 more paper and partyyyy here i come! woah! (: just got three books from my cousin for me to read! yay.. (: like so finally, i can sit bac, relax and be engrossed in a book i love! (:
imagine yourself sitting up there, at the peak of that mountain.. it's as though you're able to see the entire world from up there. imagine sitting up there, you wouldnt have to care about anything in the world! free to yourself.. walking about the terrains. lying down on that barren piece of land and guess what?! you're sandwiched by clouds.. being able to touch them brought a whole new way of viewing life.. you see better, clearer and you know what you want.. cause' the moment you go back down you're in that maze again.. but having the vision in your mind you know the fastest and best way out.. okok. may be not the fastest. but definitely the best.. i can definitely imagine myself up there with my father, closest friends and relatives. i might even set up camp there and set up my own tribe. have a world of our own where all are family.. and family help each other out.. family look out for one another.. family don't judge, family don't exploit, family don't hate... but then again, who said you were family, you merely stay under the same roof as i do.. since when was i family to you? you never cared, yes, i use never.. it's merely your parenting instincts.. so i say.. i might set up my own tribe.. set up a family of my own, with my own set rules.. i'll love my children, i'm not you.. i don't use threats against them.. i don't condemn them, neither will i make them feel inferior.. you just count yourself lucky that i don't believe any of your crap. cause i have visions of my own... i wanna do well for O levels and get on to poly or even jc.. plus i thank God for the rest of my family members to back me up when you're in your wildest outfit of rage. i also thank God for friends who are willing to listen to my whining and their shoulders for me to lean on.. i've never leaned and never will lean on you.. it's a good thing you taught me to be independent.. it's coming into good use.. i give up.. i dont wanna help you anymore.. cause you think that you're above everyone else.. when you fall, dont call out to me or anyone else for help.. trust me, save your breath for explanations cause no one will come to your aid.. the fact that you treat everyone like shit! spreading rumors like nobody's business.. heh.. i'd love to break it to you that you spread it to the wrong group of people.. so there, i'm done ranting!
:: 5:02 PM by standing on my own two feet
gonna go for campfire later today.. (: slacked the whole day today.. sigh..
ohyes! because O levels is coming to an end!!! i can finally get down to reading! there's just so many! Romeo and Juliet (again!) Heidi, Pollyanna, The Hunchback of Notredame and the History of Stonehenge. ohyes, i just cant get enough of it.. i can't believe i won't be studying history anymore.. gosh! but it's finally over!!! (:
alright, i shall blog again later or probably tomorrow.. (:
Poems:
At dusk I left with a tear stained face.
Energy drained from the sobbing,
As I paced myself back home,
I contemplated the decision to be made.
Left feet over right feet my mind was in a swirl,
I refused to accept how things were,
I was so bent on finding a win-win solution,
But it was to no avail.
I had lost a long fought battle.
